Serving as a portrayal of an inner battle with one’s own flaws, Antivst’s new song “Hard to love” examines the cost of loving another when one does not understand themselves. Antivst’s song begins with a simple guitar melody. Her voice enters its space, rich and dark like silk. “I don’t really like that”, she sounds sad and discouraged by this relationship she holds with another person. She battles with the contrast of her feelings about this person and the way this person makes her feel. The lyrics powerfully describe this turmoil with “ why don’t you run from me, lead me to the train tracks?”, reflecting on loving someone but having fears that you are too broken for the love to be requited. As she says “why don’t you want me, nobody wants me” and “I guess I am cold now. At least that’s what I’m told now ” .. she muses over experiences in which people told her in some way that she was unlovable. Towards the end she says “just know that I wont hurt you, if I do it’s not true” and “I want you, I’m just scared to love you”. Her voice is melodic and gripping, pulling you into the first person perspective of what it feels like to feel what she does. “Hard to love” is a self-reflective song that depicts a shifting focus on what causes a person to hesitate to remain in a relationship.
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Velvet Noise 